Today is just one of those days where I just can’t seem to find my peace of mind. I’ve tried to channel into finishing a coat I’m working on for myself ever since December, but it seems I have chosen not the best pattern and now I have difficulties adjusting the back of it (since I do need to have it on for that and those arms of mine just won’t twist backwards no matter how hard I try to persuade them).
It doesn’t matter that I’ve made a test coat out of scrap fabrics to try the pattern before I cut it out of the intended fabric. It just behaves differently on the thicker fabric and suddenly it doesn’t fit that well as it seemed to fit on the tester. Now it hangs there sadly back on the figurine and all the other things come back flowing back at me and I become restless once more.
How I would like to finish this project and share it with all of you (not to mention to finish it before winter is over so that I could also wear it a bit). How there are other projects finished, but need to get taken pictures of to be able to share it. Not to mention some of them might need some little tweaks to make them better and I’m not much in the mood for that. How there are some things I would like to share but I can’t sit down and sort out the photos. How we haven’t seen much of my husband for the last week, because he’s had so much to do himself, trying to run now 3 businesses. How there’s so much clutter everywhere around our appartment. And I would like to get some order into that chaos around here. Even toys and such, that I usually tidy up in the evening are now left around, because it seems like it doesn’t matter if there’s a bit more around, when there are other things lying around waiting to get installed in the appartement or be assigned a place. I tend to get upset sometimes about the fact that there’s still so much to do in our appartement. We bought this place 3 years ago and are getting things done little by little, as time and money allows. And since I’m quite a bit now at home with Liv, I have many ideas I’d like to do around here. And there’s so little time (since they’re usually not something I can do by myself…with Liv to watch…). And so little money. Not that I’d want to get on that topic very much. How there are other projects waiting in line that I could start, but I don’t want to, until I finish what I’m doing. And while all those things are lying around and there’s little place for work.
Hmh, that list took up much more than I thought it would.
And then I remind myself it’s not the most important thing in life. What is important is the things we already have. We don’t need to have the perfect stylish home as you see them in catalogs. Of course, the designer bit in me would like to have that. But it won’t be. Not for some time, anyway. And that’s ok.
Not wanting to sound too cliche, but what’s important is we are healthy (not counting small illnesses), we are happy (despite my lapses of peace of mind here and there).
I am thankful for my lovely child. I am so happy with her, every single day. I never enjoyed every day so consciously as I do now with her. I am thankful for my husband, who works hard right now to keep us a comfortable home. I am thankful for all those years we have spent together and those many more I hope we will. I am thankful for our dog, hehe, who is snoring loudely beside me right now. Even though he can be such a bulldozer, he is such a sweetheart. I love how they are getting on with Liv. They love each other, and he can be so patient with her.
I am thankful we have a place we can call home. Our own home. A place where Liv can play and learn and everything. A place where I can create. It may not be perfect. It may need a lot of work yet. But it is our home. And we love to come home. When we go somewhere, like for a few days or a week or so, Liv starts to ask to go home. And when we drive home and we come to the last turn of the road and we can see our building, she counts up who lives there in our home (Livia, mama, daddy, dog). I love that. I guess we must be doing something right when that child likes to come home.
I am thankful for those simple words that Liv has come to say recently (for the first time) a few times to me.
‘Livia loves mummy’.
Those simple gestures, like when she grabs my face with both of her hands and places suddenly a big kiss on it.
I guess it means that I am also doing at least something right.
I am also really thankful for being able to stay at home with Liv. I may get upset from time to time about things I would like to do or change or have at home, but that’s not what really matters. I am so greatful for being able to be home with Liv and watch her grow little by little every day. I can’t imagine having to put her somewhere (at this stage of life) and having to go to work instead, missing all those developements. I think it would make me pretty much heartbroken.
I am thankful for our family, for our friends.
I think I wanted to write some more things I was thankful for, that did sound less cliche. But those have slipped off my mind by now… But then again. I guess those things that sound cliche, are those that really matter in the end.
This post has become rather very personal. I guess the first one on my blog. Don’t worry, there won’t be too many such around here, I promise :-) But it was soothing in a way.
Now I can go to sleep, concentrating on the things that are good and important.
Have a great night everybody!